Choose to Believe

If I'm honest, it's been a bit of a rough go this past week...fighting for faith.  We all have those times, ya? (for my own comfort, I'm imagining you nodding your head in agreement) ;)  I'm working thru many things (many of which may not even be appropriate to post here) but this one thing I will say: God is requiring utter devotion to and complete dependence upon Him...again ;)  It's a very lonely place...and, ironically, a place where I've been in the last year (JH Ranch, Summer 2008).  Apparently, I still have lots to learn :)  Thank You, LORD.  He is jealous for us...for our love and our lives, Amen?

I was convicted by my own words this morning (which I've posted below) and thought I'd remind myself (and you) that it is a choice to believe in Jesus Christ.

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July 2008 (written from JH Ranch, California)

I am currently taking a journey of trust & am on an adventurous pursuit of the LORD Jesus Christ. As a part of that adventure, I believe the LORD led me to the JH (Johnston Hospitality) Ranch in Northern California to serve for 6 weeks doing music ministry, housekeeping & being a nanny for 3 wonderful kids. The first 3 weeks were a painful, lonely journey...but after I wrote my last update, the LORD graciously caused the sun to come out a little, shedding light on what's He's been doing in my life & in my heart. I am pumped & overwhelmed!! So I just had to share...

If I were to summarize my summer so far, it would go something like this: the LORD plucked me out of my comfort zone, placed me in the wildnerness (literally) and said, "Amber Dawn, I needed to get your attention so that I could show you a few things." And what He's shown me is that I am way too dependent on people...not Him. That I seek & strive for approval from others, finding my security in what other people think of me, instead of being certain of who I am in Christ. And that when it really comes down to it, I don't believe God loves me without conditions, just as I am. Wooh!!!  Heavy stuff.

Tuesday evening, Heather Johnston (one of the owners of the JH Ranch) spoke on the Love of God. It was incredible and encouraging...not because what she said hit me in a new way, but because Heather basically summarized my entire summer & the good work God had been doing in my life! The lights came on & I said, "Oh, my word...LORD, this is why You brought me here: to understand, at a heart level, Your love for me!!!" For years, I've known in my head that God loved me unconditionally, but...only the Holy Spirit can make that knowledge a reality in your heart. Only when it becomes real in your heart can you truly believe and be radically transformed by the truth. God is rebuilding my foundation firmly upon Him...and I am so grateful.

Here are some thoughts I wrote down last night:

"Papa, thank You for Your many blessings...the blessings that come with pain, with lessons & with growth attached. Sometimes, I mistake them for pain instead of a present from You. I am learning to be satisfied in You...to only be concerned about what You think of me...to only seek approval from You, not people...and finding that I don't even need to seek Your approval: I HAVE it. You approve of and love me freely, with no conditions...just as I am. Thank You for the security that gives me. I am found in Your friendship. Thank You for delighting in me, being pleased with me, accepting
me...and for loving me."

I find myself enjoying the fellowship & friendship of Jesus in a whole new way. This fresh awareness of His unconditional love for me has radically transformed my thoughts, my life...everything!! He is wonderful & amazing. I have so much more growth & character development that needs to happen, but the pressure of being perfect is gone. Life is a process of sanctification...I'll never "arrive"; I will always be a learner of the LORD. Seems to me that life won't ever be boring with Jesus :)

Y'all...buckle up. The LORD is in hot pursuit of you. He has a burning love for you. As Heather Johnston said on Tuesday night, "Why would you not want to spend time with someone who loves you so much?" It's not about obligation. It's not about duty. It's not about checking off the "Quiet Time with Jesus" box on your "Being a Good Christian" mental To-Do list.  It's about a relationship. A love relationship. A love relationship with someone who is so crazy-mad in love with you that the thought of being separated from you because of sin killed him...literally. He died just so He could know you and pour His unbelievable, unconditional love over you for all eternity. Oh, my goodness.

May I encourage you to...

Drop what you're doing.

Get alone.

Find rest in His presence.

Receive,with an open heart, the burning love of Jesus Christ.

Thank Him.

He is absolutely crazy over you and is saying to you, "I want you to remember that I love you...just as you are."

Choose to believe.

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I don't know what circumstances are pressing on you right now...but whatever they are, they are important.  It's true...someone else is always going thru something harder than you...but what you're facing is valid and difficult.  Whatever it is, it requires faith...and our God graciously says that even faith as small as a mustard seed (tiny, tiny, tiny!!) can move mountains!!!!  So...if you're weak & feeling like you've only got a "leftover" of faith to give...give it.  He will bless it and increase it as you exercise it.

I choose, this Passion Week...to remember.  This week...when we remember our Saviour, who willingly went to the cross in order to pay for the sins of those He dearly loved.  This week...when we acknowledge the horror of His suffering and the simultaneous beauty of brokenness...His body broken for you & for me...out of love.  A love that resulted in eternal life and salvation for all who would choose to believe.  This day...I thank Christ for choosing to love me by carrying His cross.  This day...I choose to pick up my own cross...and follow Him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy...but Christ has come that we may have LIFE, and have it to the fullest!!!" (John 10:10)

From Arkansas to Australia

At the moment, I'm sitting at the kitchen table with the windows open, enjoying a beautiful, breezy 78 degree day.  The only bummer about this wonderful spring weather is the unwelcome reminder that I have allergies...and they're REALLY bad in Nashville (I'd go into detail, but it would only be a passive-aggressive plug to get your sympathy).  So...I guess I'll just have to move back to Portland where allergies are non-existent!! ;)

Anyhoo...I wanted to give you a lil' update on my end.  I'm still applying for jobs and have had a few interviews (which has been encouraging!!) but no offers...yet (there's my faith statement: YET!)  :)  I had an interview last week for a Church Ministry Assistant position that I want so badly, and I have (literally) been begging God for it!!  Shameless, I know.  Hey...I just don't want to be guilty of "having not because I asked not", ok? ;)  So...we'll see what the LORD thinks.  I'll keep ya posted.

Along with praying for a job, friends, church, etc...I've also been praying for opportunities to use my musical gifts, right?  Right.  And when I remember to look for God's answers, I find that they are often creative & outside of the box...uniquely "His".  Well...the LORD has recently been surprising me with outside-of-the-box opportunities to lead worship!  A couple weekends ago, I led worship for a House Church in Mayflower, Arkansas.  There were 5 of us...and as we sang praises to the LORD in their living room, He met us intimately.  It was sincerely sweet.

When I first moved to Nashville, I felt an urgency to get my passport.  I didn't know why...but I believed there was a reason.  About a week ago I got an email from one of my best friends, Andrea, inviting me to come for a visit, attend a conference with her & do some ministry (now keep in mind...doing ministry together has been a dream of ours for a few years now).  The Catch??  Andrea lives in Australia :)  And I am tellin' ya...the LORD is sweet, sweet, sweet.  I don't know why He opened wide the doors for me to go, but...He did...and I am!! :)  I leave for Sydney, Australia on March 18th and will be there for 2 weeks!!  We'll be attending the Hillsong Colour Conference (ladies only!) ;)  doing a few touristy things, and then traveling to a few different places where Andrea will be speaking & I'll be leading worship.  We are both delighted & still in shock that this is all happening!!  God is so F-U-N and full of surprises.  "Thankful" does not begin to describe it.  But I'll still say it:

THANK YOU, LORD!!!!!!!!!  What an amazing gift.  Thank You.  It still blows my mind that You love to give Your kids good gifts...just because.  You are such a great Dad.  I love You!!!!!!!!

A Month in Music City

February 5^th marked my Month-iversary in Nashville!  So...I thought I'd fill ya in on the happenin's since I’ve been here and a few of my “favorites” thus far.

FIVE FAVORITES:

1.  Making new friends = drinking lots of coffee.  Yes, please.
2.  Opportunities to listen to live music every night of the week.
3.  S-U-N-S-H-I-N-E (let’s not talk about the humidity that’s comin’, ok? Ok.)
4.  Sittin’ on the front porch, readin’ with my roomies.
5.  Wal*Mart SuperCenter. Target SuperCenter. Anything SuperCenter.

As far as the “happenin’s”...I've been lookin’ for a church, a job, friends, and opportunities to use my gifts. And as you know, I met Robert Plant from Led Zeppelin a few weeks ago, so...we’re pretty tight now. Ah-hem ;) Aaaand...a couple weeks ago, I got a wonderful opportunity to do a voiceover for LifeWay, which is one of the largest Christian resources distributors in the world! It was a project for children’s Sunday school material...SO fun!! I got to unleash “Dramatic Amber” (hey...I know what some of you are thinking right now...so you should watch your back!!) I really enjoyed working with Tim (the engineer/producer) who primarily does music projects. I gave him my demo (and he liked it!) so I hope I can work with him in the future doing BGV’s (background vocals) on projects that come his way. We shall see! Aaaaaaaand...the final exciting thing I’m gonna tell you is that I had a job interview at Dave Ramsey last week! www.daveramsey.com Regardless of whether or not I get the job, it was an honor to be invited to come for an interview. It was Dave’s “7 Baby Steps” that got me out of debt, ya know. Yeah! :)

Other than that, I've been fightin' the Homesickness Bug…and from what I hear, it’s just gonna take some time before I really start to feel better. But the LORD is so kind to encourage my lil’ heart when I feel discouraged (2 Cor. 7:6) and by His grace, I see myself depending on Him more & more in this new season of life. I've been listening to a lot of sermons online (props to Pastor Jeff Olson @ Coram Deo Fellowship in Gresham, OR http://www.coramdeofellowship.com/) God has been convicting me of the importance of the Bible...that I need to keep my eyes in it and my heart teachable & willing to obey its truths. If I don’t, it’s a perfect recipe for discouragement, distraction and depression. But by His grace, He's kept my heart close to His. I’ve been praying that God would give me a new love for the Word...and He is faithfully answering that prayer! Thank You, Jesus!

I love the LORD! He is a good Papa, an intimate Friend, a wonderful, merciful Savior, and the King of the World!!

What a Friend I've Found

I'm feeling really homesick today.  I miss my friends and fam...their hugs, laughter, being "known".  But the LORD taught me a valuable lesson over the summer at JH Ranch that I am quick to remember these days: Jesus loves me...and His friendship is enough.  When I feel the pangs of loneliness and the lack of rich community, I remember that Jesus is my Friend (not to be confused with the ridiculous song by Sonseed, thank you very much!) ;)  But truly...He satisfies my soul and comforts my core.  He loves me, He loves me, He loves me.  He is enough.  There are still tears...but my heart is held by a compassionate and loving Father...and Friend.

What a friend I've found

Closer than a brother
I have felt your touch
More intimate than lovers

Jesus, Jesus
Jesus, friend forever

What a hope I've found
More faithful than a mother
It would break my heart
To ever lose each other

Written by Martin Smith ©1996 Curious? Music UK

Ten in Tennessee

Well...I've officially been a Tennesseean for 10 days now.  Wooh!!  I'm enjoying myself.  I have 2 wonderful roommates (Ashley & Bethany), we live in a great part of town (10 minutes from downtown Nashville), and the sun shines here (no offense, Portlanders).  I am currently infatuated with the opportunity to listen to live music every day of the week, if I so desired (and believe me...I do so desire!!)  and I've already met some wonderful people who have shown me ridiculous amounts of kindness, helping curb the "sickness" I feel for my forever Home (Portland, OR) and my dear friends who I miss terribly.

I don't have a typical day yet.  I've mostly been gettin' all my stuff switched over to Tennessee (address, residency, bank, etc), getting to know my roommates, exploring the area & tryin' to find a jobby-job.  I look forward to building relationships, getting plugged in to the music world and seeing what opportunities exist for me to sing for the glory of God.  Every day is an Adventure!!  Sincerely!

Hey...I had a funny experience after church last Sunday.  I met up with a new friend at the Mall, and as we were talking, he spotted Robert Plant (lead singer of Led Zeppelin).  I immediately called my pastor from Portland (who is a die-hard fan) to tell him the great news...and then promptly approached Mr. Plant to ask for a photo.  Because of my behavior, I have now been tagged as a "tourist."  I have no shame ;)

Robert Plant & Amber Dawn

So...if I were to sum up these past 10 days in 3 words, it would be:

God is Good.

He is such a good Dad.  I catch myself thanking Him frequently for taking such good care of me in this transition.  He has been gracious and tender towards me, taking care of all my needs, like a Daddy takes care of His little girl.  I feel secure & cared for.

* for those of you Bible Study Methods students, the repeated word in the text is "care".  Hmm...seems the author is trying to relay an important message about God's CAREacter ;)

As each day comes & goes, I see the LORD's hand in the smallest details.  It's fun to watch for it because it comes, like clockwork, every single day.  And I see very clearly how the LORD has prepared me for this.  It's exciting...and I thank Him.

My prayer this week (thanks to Tim Hughes) has been:

"LORD, will You be my Vision?  LORD, will You be my Guide?  Be my Hope, be my Light, and The Way?"

He has been...and He will continue to be.  God is faithful.  I love Him...and I trust Him.

Thanks for joining me on the Journey!!

The Arrival

I just wanted to let y'all know that...I'm here!!  Cheree & I arrived in Nashville, TN around 5:30pm this evening.  I met my roomies (they're GREAT!) and we all went out to dinner.  I've just been gettin' my room set up & trying to believe that I actually live here.  Cheree & I feel  like we're at camp.  Hahaaa! :)

Anyway...thank you for your prayers.  The LORD has been so good & faithful...and He will continue to be.  That's just who He is.

I will write more once I've got a few days in Nashville under my belt :)

The Trip

Happy New Year!!  My best friend Cheree and I have officially begun our road trip to Nashville!

We left Portland on Sunday morning and made it to my dear friends, Lance & Bekah's, house in Oakley, California that night around 1:00am.  We left Monday morning for Buckeye, Arizona where a great surprise awaited Cheree (but I'll tell you about that later) :)

The LORD has been so gracious to us on our trip.  We haven't had any significant car problems (just some smoking from oil leaking onto the exhaust pipe) and there have been a couple "moments" along the way that have been sweet gifts from Jesus.  The first was a clear black sky full of brilliant stars & constellations.  We pulled over at a dark (ie. sketchy!) rest stop in southeastern California to absorb the full effect.  Absolutely amazing.  We felt small & in awe of our Great God who put every star in the sky & knows them by name.  And the other sweet gift was an unexpected & sweet time of worship in the car.  We were listening to a few of our fave's:  Brandon Heath, Tim Hughes & Brian Cheney.  The song "Arise My Soul, Arise" came on (Brian Cheney style) and by the 4th verse, I suddenly burst into tears of thankfulness & praise to my Amazing Savior.  Cheree soon followed and we offered up songs of worship to Jesus right there in the car.  It was such a gift...such a moment.

Now...about that surprise... :)  On Christmas Day, I told Cheree that I had a surprise for her, somewhere between Portland and Nashville.  She seemed curious, but probably didn't think too much of it.  Well...the surprise was this:  we weren't just staying at some random person's house in Arizona.  We were staying at a dear friend's parents' house...and that dear friend (who's been living in Australia for the past 7 months) was waiting for us inside!! :)  The LORD is so good.  He's given us 5 days to spend with Andrea Laurita...to enjoy the deep love & friendship we all share.  It is a gift to us all.  Thank You, Jesus!!!

I'm thankful to the LORD for all of you who are reading this, walking with me on this journey & praying for me as Jesus puts me on your heart.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!  He is a good & loving Father.

January 3rd, we head to Texas.

January 4th, we make our way to Arkansas.

January 5th...we pull into Nashville, Tennessee!!!

This is a GREAT Adventure! :)