I was convicted by my own words this morning (which I've posted below) and thought I'd remind myself (and you) that it is a choice to believe in Jesus Christ.
Choose to believe.
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July 2008 (written from JH Ranch, California)
I am currently taking a journey of trust & am on an adventurous pursuit of the LORD Jesus Christ. As a part of that adventure, I believe the LORD led me to the JH (Johnston Hospitality) Ranch in Northern California to serve for 6 weeks doing music ministry, housekeeping & being a nanny for 3 wonderful kids. The first 3 weeks were a painful, lonely journey...but after I wrote my last update, the LORD graciously caused the sun to come out a little, shedding light on what's He's been doing in my life & in my heart. I am pumped & overwhelmed!! So I just had to share...
If I were to summarize my summer so far, it would go something like this: the LORD plucked me out of my comfort zone, placed me in the wildnerness (literally) and said, "Amber Dawn, I needed to get your attention so that I could show you a few things." And what He's shown me is that I am way too dependent on people...not Him. That I seek & strive for approval from others, finding my security in what other people think of me, instead of being certain of who I am in Christ. And that when it really comes down to it, I don't believe God loves me without conditions, just as I am. Wooh!!! Heavy stuff.
Tuesday evening, Heather Johnston (one of the owners of the JH Ranch) spoke on the Love of God. It was incredible and encouraging...not because what she said hit me in a new way, but because Heather basically summarized my entire summer & the good work God had been doing in my life! The lights came on & I said, "Oh, my word...LORD, this is why You brought me here: to understand, at a heart level, Your love for me!!!" For years, I've known in my head that God loved me unconditionally, but...only the Holy Spirit can make that knowledge a reality in your heart. Only when it becomes real in your heart can you truly believe and be radically transformed by the truth. God is rebuilding my foundation firmly upon Him...and I am so grateful.
Here are some thoughts I wrote down last night:
"Papa, thank You for Your many blessings...the blessings that come with pain, with lessons & with growth attached. Sometimes, I mistake them for pain instead of a present from You. I am learning to be satisfied in You...to only be concerned about what You think of me...to only seek approval from You, not people...and finding that I don't even need to seek Your approval: I HAVE it. You approve of and love me freely, with no conditions...just as I am. Thank You for the security that gives me. I am found in Your friendship. Thank You for delighting in me, being pleased with me, accepting
me...and for loving me."
me...and for loving me."
I find myself enjoying the fellowship & friendship of Jesus in a whole new way. This fresh awareness of His unconditional love for me has radically transformed my thoughts, my life...everything!! He is wonderful & amazing. I have so much more growth & character development that needs to happen, but the pressure of being perfect is gone. Life is a process of sanctification...I'll never "arrive"; I will always be a learner of the LORD. Seems to me that life won't ever be boring with Jesus :)
Y'all...buckle up. The LORD is in hot pursuit of you. He has a burning love for you. As Heather Johnston said on Tuesday night, "Why would you not want to spend time with someone who loves you so much?" It's not about obligation. It's not about duty. It's not about checking off the "Quiet Time with Jesus" box on your "Being a Good Christian" mental To-Do list. It's about a relationship. A love relationship. A love relationship with someone who is so crazy-mad in love with you that the thought of being separated from you because of sin killed him...literally. He died just so He could know you and pour His unbelievable, unconditional love over you for all eternity. Oh, my goodness.
May I encourage you to...
Drop what you're doing.
Get alone.
Find rest in His presence.
Receive,with an open heart, the burning love of Jesus Christ.
Thank Him.
He is absolutely crazy over you and is saying to you, "I want you to remember that I love you...just as you are."
Choose to believe.
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I don't know what circumstances are pressing on you right now...but whatever they are, they are important. It's true...someone else is always going thru something harder than you...but what you're facing is valid and difficult. Whatever it is, it requires faith...and our God graciously says that even faith as small as a mustard seed (tiny, tiny, tiny!!) can move mountains!!!! So...if you're weak & feeling like you've only got a "leftover" of faith to give...give it. He will bless it and increase it as you exercise it.
I choose, this Passion Week...to remember. This week...when we remember our Saviour, who willingly went to the cross in order to pay for the sins of those He dearly loved. This week...when we acknowledge the horror of His suffering and the simultaneous beauty of brokenness...His body broken for you & for me...out of love. A love that resulted in eternal life and salvation for all who would choose to believe. This day...I thank Christ for choosing to love me by carrying His cross. This day...I choose to pick up my own cross...and follow Him.
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy...but Christ has come that we may have LIFE, and have it to the fullest!!!" (John 10:10)
